Thoughts on Life and Death

     Since the day we are born we come closer and closer to the day we die.  We all have an expiration date yet no one knows when.  It is one huge mystery - when?!  We all expect to live well into our senior years but unfortunally that is not always the case.  Sometimes the young parish as well.  I believe that when our work here on Earth is done (that God has planned for us) He will call us home.  There is a meaning behind everything whether we understand it or not.  Perhaps the reason to why a loved one dies may not be our reason to know but for someone else to know the meaning behind it.  We don't always need to understand it, but death is something we must accept. 

     I recently had my mother-in-law pass away last week on December 7.  I felt thankful to have been there - not thankful for her death but thankful to have been a part of her life.  Her adult children were by her side giving her words of comfort and reassurance as she leaves this Earth.  I watched and pictured her in yesteryears as she welcomed each child through labor and gazed upon each new baby with awe.  I envisioned her holding them as they took their first breaths in the world and now her children were there waiting for her to take her last.  There was a mournful comfort to it. 

     I came to the analogy of death being like a birth.  At one moment the unborn child is not of existence, relying solely on his mother's body for survival.  Then one unexpected day there is a little pain and discomfort and that unborn child is born into a beautiful world.  All that pain is forgotten as the mother and child stare into each other's beautiful faces.  At the time of death things are reversed.  On an unexpected date and time there may be some discomfort and pain.  Once you get through the "labor" of dying you are welcomed in Jesus' arms and the beauty of Heaven makes you forget all about the suffering from before.  It is a birth into death. 

     William Wallace, a character from the movie Braveheart, said it best with this line, "Death comes to us all."  There is no cure from death.  No matter what studies the medical field does we still will all die at the end.  We can eat all the right foods, live an active and healthy life and we still die.  There is no escape from that fact.  It is true that by making good choices in our life we can prolong our life a bit longer but death is still going to greet us eventually. 

     At times when I look at the elderly I try to picture them being young and carefree.  I picture them without the wrinkles, gray hair, and without their slow gestures.  I imagine them being a young child running around playing happily and carefree.  I picture them wooing their spouse by them getting butterflies over that first phone call for a date and feeling wonderfully beautiful.  Then I look at the youth running around and wonder if they realize that one day they, too, will get old and not move at a quick pace anymore.  Their hair will gray or may even fall out.  Their skin will wrinkle and sag.  Things that seem important as a young adult will seem trivial to a person with several decades behind them. 

     So should we just give up on life and roll over and wait to die?  NO!  That is not what I am saying at all.  We should live life and enjoy the gifts that God gave to us all.  He gave us the gift of life to live in His glory.  God has a purpose for us.  He has given us a meaning.  We need to give our elders respect while teaching the youth to be respectful to others.  We need to remember those who have died and enjoy the moments now that we have with our loved ones.  Once that those moments pass we may never get another chance to let them know how much they mean in our lives. 

Fudge, Fun and Nuptials

Our bikes up at Mackinac Island.

     It was the summer of 1995.  Brian and I have been dating for only a few weeks.  One day out of the blue he decided to go purchase some bikes for him and I and spend the day at Mackinac Island.  We went to K-Mart in Plainwell and picked out a nice pair of matching bikes.  We rode them out of the store and all around the parking lot.  I loved gliding along at top speed feeling the wind against my face.  The bike rode smoothly like floating on a cloud.  It was late in the day so we decided to head out first thing in the morning. 

     It was several years since I had been to Mackinac Island.  Motor cars are not allowed on the island that is just under 4 square miles and it gives the appeal of stepping back in time to an era of long ago.  We decided to cross the Mackinac Bridge to take the ferry from St. Ignace in the UP over to the island.  I never realized how big the bridge looked before.  The closer we got the more my heart started pounding and the harder it was to breathe. Soon were driving up the 5 mile long bridge.  I couldn't move.  I could barely talk.  I sat there staring at the floor of the Bronco refusing to look out.  In the meantime, Brian was jabbering away about the view and ships he sees off in the distance.  It made me uneasy.  I begged for him to stop talking.  I needed absolute quiet.  An odd vibration rumbled across the Bronco.  I could tell we were on the grated part of the bridge near the middle, which is also the highest part.  I took a long deep breath.  I gripped the door handle very tightly.  I was singing songs in my head trying hard not to think about being 199 feet above Lake Huron and Lake Michigan.  Deep in the back parts of my brain the story of how a car was blown over the edge of the Mackinac Bridge and the person died played over and over.  My mental singing couldn't keep the thought of that away.  Brian was realizing that this wasn't just a small fear but more of a terror I have.  A few times he would tease me telling me we were off the bridge only to open my eyes and look up and see a huge pillar passing by me.  My heart beats faster and I pray hard for those miles to pass by quickly.  Finally we reach the upper peninsula and I was able to breath again and my heart returned to its normal beat.  I never had a fear come upon me like that before while crossing the bridge and I didn't like the feeling.  I knew I would have to cross it again but I didn't want to think about that so soon.

     We had a great time on the island.  We biked around it stopping at various sights like The Grand Hotel, Arch Rock, battlefield sites from the war of 1812 and a tree from a scene from the movie Somewhere in Time startting Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymore.  We sat upon some rocks on the southwest side of the island near the water's edge and enjoyed the Michigan landscape across the waters.  Brian is fiddling around with my camera but I didn't think too much about it.  He holds it up and says, "Hey Jill," I look at him, "Will you marry me?" click goes the sound of the camera. 

My reaction the moment Brian asked me to be his wife.

    

     I was shocked.  I was not expecting that very important, life changing question at all.  We never even hinted around to it.  We have only been dating probably 2 months at best.  I wanted to say yes but I didn't want to seem too eager.  I wanted to see how long he would go before he would beg for an answer.  I looked at him, smiled, and replied, "I will have to think about it and get back to you with an answer." 

This was taken after I told Brian I would think about his marriage proposal.

     He tried to persuade me to answer but I was firm in having him wait.  Brian finally realized that he wasn't going to get an answer right away like he hoped and we changed subjects.  Deep inside my heart was fluttering and I was screaming with delight, YES! YES! YES! but I was 18, an adult, and had to hold my composure.   Then I began to plot on how long I would make him wait and in what special way would I let Brian know that my answer would be yes.  There was some strange sinful pleasure in my knowledge of the answer to the marriage proposal and him not knowing yet.  It was like I was in control and he was at my mercy. 

     It was getting late and we started to make our way towards home.  We had to cross over the Mackinac Bridge again.  I couldn't do it.  My heart was leaping out of my chest.  I kept telling myself that I had to cross it.  I live in the lower peninsula and can't stay up there.  I can do this.  I can do this, I would tell myself over and over.  We paid our toll and started making our way south over the bridge.  I looked over at the suspension wires and I fell apart inside.  Staring at the floor boards were not enough.  I couldn't feel safe.  If being blown over the bridge is there a safe spot to be in a vehicle?  I wondered.  I unbuckled and curled myself up in a little ball at the bottom of the Bronco.  Brian kept trying to tell me what a beautiful view I was missing and to give it a chance.  I started crying and begging for him to stop talking.  I just wanted silence so I can concentrate on calming myself down. 

     I can feel the Bronco start to slow down.  Why is he slowing down?  Is there an accident?  Are we about to go over the edge?  Did part of the bridge collaspe?  With my eyes still closed and me still curled up on the floor of the Bronco I heard Brian's voice, "Tell me you will marry me?"

     "WHAT!  GET ME OFF THIS BRIDGE NOW!" I pleaded! 

     

     "Nope.  Not until you say that you will be my wife."  He said calmly. 

     "I AM NOT GIVING YOU AN ANSWER!  HURRY UP AND DRIVE FASTER!" I begged.

Between the two pillars of the Mackinaw Bridge Brian slowed down
and demanded an answer to his marriage proposal. 

     He slows his driving to a slow crawl and taunts me with being up near the top.  "You can see everything from up here.  Look, there is a freighter off in the distance.  I am not going to move until you say yes."  Brian says proudly knowing he has the best of me at this moment.

     I knew I was defeated.  With not being of sound mind I shouted, "YES!  FINE!  I WILL MARRY YOU!  JUST GET ME OFF THIS BRIDGE NOW!!!! 

     "What was that you said?  I want to make sure I heard you correctly." he teased back.

     "YES!  NOW GET ME OFF OF THE BRIDGE!" I hollared back from the floor of the Bronco.

     I felt the Bronco speed up.  My heart is thumping wildly but I couldn't tell if it was fear from the bridge or agreeing to the marriage proposal.  Maybe it was a little of both.  Looking back now it is still hard to tell which got my heart thumping more.  I plugged my ears and kept my eyes tightly shut so I can fully concentrate on not being on the bridge.  After a while I felt Brian pull the Bronco over to the side.  He gently pats my back to tells me to step outside.  I slowly slide my body up into my seat to see if we were off the bridge.  We were.  We were safely on the side of the highway on the lower peninsular side.  Brian already rushed around to my side of the Bronco and already had the door open.  I fall out like a wet noodle so exhausted from horror of crossing over the bridge.  "Did you really mean it when you said yes?" Brian asked.

     "Yes, I did.  I will marry you."  I replied back.  It wasn't the way I imagined that I would say yes to his proposal but I was off the bridge.     

     Brian pulled me close to him and gave me a huge romantic kiss and a great big hug right on the side of the highway.  Cars were zooming past watching us embrace but we didn't care.  At that moment we made the decision to spend the rest of our lives together. 

     17 years has passed by and I don't regret the answer I had given in haste.  We have gone across the bridge a few times since then and I try to open my eyes to take a look if even only for a second.  One of my greatest fears (bridges) also gives me one of my greatest memories to cherish and that is to become a wife to the man I love.   

Brian and I standing in front of the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island
the day he proposed to me.