When Thoughts of Being Murdered Turns Into Being Married.

     It was May 28, 1995.  I was just a few days shy of graduating from Grandville High School.  I was already done with classes but I still had the ceremony to go through.  A relationship of two years ended a month prior and I was about to begin a whole new chapter in my life of adulthood. 

     My dear friend Cyndi was trying to set me up with an old classmate of hers.  Cyndi and I were waitressed together at Apple Blossom Restaurant.  She quit just a few weeks before.  I was a little nervous but okay with it.  She called and said after talking with him that he wasn't interested because of our age difference.  He was 23 and I was 18.  Okay, I thought, I can understand that.  I haven't met him and I wasn't going to get upset about it. 

     A few days later she comes running through the doors at Apple Blossom and pulls me aside.  "He changed his mind!  He is over at my house right now.  Can you come over after work?" she says excitedly.

     "Yea, sure." I reply back, "I have to close up so I won't be out of here until 9:30 pm if that still works?"

     It worked.  I called my mom to let her know that Cyndi was setting me up on a blind date and I will be home to change and head off to her place.  The rest of the evening I was thinking about the meet-up.  I decided not to try to make a big deal and just be who I am.  Plain and regular.  I am who I am and if likes me then yea and if not no big deal. 

     Murphy's law played right into my hands.  For the most part at work the last half hour no one usually came in.  That night about ten to nine at night two couples come in for coffee and dessert.  We were so ready to lock up at 9pm.  The back kitchen was cleaned up, the floors were vacuumed and food was prepped for the morning shift.  This didn't seem fair.  I still had to be polite and serve them.  At 9 O'clock I went and locked up the doors and turned off the outdoor sign.  The couples didn't want to leave.  I know they were enjoying each others company but I had plans.  I think Joe, the cook, thought it was funny as I was pacing back and forth in the waitress area in hopes of these people to leave.  Finally, about 10pm they decide to call it a night and left.  I felt defeated.  I didn't have time to run home and change.  I called my mom back up and let her know I was getting out of work late and I was going straight to Cyndi's.  Here I was about to meet a potential suitor smelling of grease, wearing a dark green waitressing uniform and these ugly brown, thick soled waitressing shoes.  As far as first impressions go this wasn't going to be a great one.

     As soon as I get there Cyndi rushes out the door and says we have to go get the pizza.  He was there and hands me over some money.  On the way to get the pizza Cyndi was asking me my thoughts on him.  I told her I only glanced at him for a few seconds in the dark.  I can't give a good answer yet of what I thought of him. 

     We get back to her place and as the door opened he was sitting there with a smile on his face.  He had  beautiful blue eyes.  He seemed a bit on the thin side but when he stood up he was certainly tall.  It was a nice evening with small chit chat.  I found out he was a country boy while I was a city girl.  He grew up on farms and horses and I grew up on city sidewalks and shopping malls. We did bicker some on the stereotypes of gender and we each are defending our own sex.  "Girls are only after what is in men's jeans" he would say.  I responded, "Men just want a quick night of fun and dash out the door."  He was defending all of the men in the world and I was defending all the women.



282 steps at Mt. Baldhead, Saugatuck, Mi.



     It started getting late.  Brian suggested we all take a drive to Saugatuck and climb Mt. Baldhead.  I remember long ago going there with my mom and her boyfriend and I loved it.  I couldn't resist.   Around midnight Cyndi, her fiance Michael, Brian and I made our way out to hike up Mt. Baldhead.  Mt. Baldhead has 282 steps built on a sand dune.  From the top you can see the town of Saugatuck and on the other side is Lake Michigan.    It was a perfect warm night.  Half way up we decided 4 smokers making this climb wasn't the best thing to accomplish.  Michael went back to the car.  Cyndi, Brian and I continued our trek up the dune. 



view from the top of Mt. Baldhead overlooking Saugatuck





view looking down to Lake Michigan.

                                                    
On the way down we talked about our future.  He said he wanted six children and I wanted six children.  I remember thinking to myself, This is the man I am going to marry! 

We get back to the car and head back to Cyndi's place.  They were calling it a night and going off to bed.  Brian asked if I wanted to get a bite to eat.  It was close to 4 in the morning.  My mom is going to kill me!  At least if she is going to kill me I won't have an empty stomach.  "Sure" I say and we head off to Casey's Restaurant for a bite to eat.  Afterwards we stroll through the parking lot.  "Stay and watch the sunrise with me." he pleads.

"I can't.  I have to be getting back home."  I said.  I really wanted to stay but I had to work that morning at 7am and I needed to refresh myself.  I also had to go home because I knew my mom was beyond livid that I was gone all night.  Brian pulls me up close and gives me a kiss.  YES!

     I quietly open the door and my mother storms around the corner flying towards me angry as can be.  She did have full right to be upset.  I didn't want to add fuel to her fire by telling her we were crusing around Michigan so explained that we watched a movie and fell asleep.  Cydni didn't have a phone at her place and I couldn't call.  She was still upset but understood.  I know I lied but I was okay and why fret over the past that can't be changed anyway.   I was grounded. 

     I headed to work with no sleep.  I was still floating on cloud 9 so lack of sleep wasn't bothering me.  Early that afternoon Brian comes into the restaurant.  He wanted to see me again after work.  I told him I wasn't too sure about it.  I felt silly telling a 23 adult male that I was grounded.  I let him know to call me around 3ish when I was home.  He finished his meal, left me a $2 tip and went on his way.  TWO DOLLARS!  I was expecting a bit more as a way of being extra nice to me.  Talking to him later on in our relationship about it he said he knew I had to claim my tips on my taxes and he didn't want me to pay too much for it.  Logical but not romantic. 

     I get home and realize no one was there.  A note was left saying they went to Holland to visit family.  A smile crosses my face.  I know I was grounded but in haste and early morning hours I was hoping they forgot about it.  Brian calls and wants to take me for a drive.  I told him sure and gave him directions.  I left a note back to my mom telling her of my plans. 

     He picked me up in his pick-up and we drove off.  Lack of sleep was getting the better of me.  I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.  I placed my head in Brian's lap and fell asleep.  Nudge. Nudge. Nudge.  I felt Brian's hands on my sholders trying to wake me up.  I sit up and look around.  We were in a partially wooded area on a dirt road.  I have never been on a dirt road before.  To me dirt roads was where murder's happen.  I didn't know where I was at or even how to begin to get home.  "Come look at this huge tree trunk with me." Brian says.

     I looked at him puzzled.  A tree trunk?  Who looks at tree trunks?!   I have seen enough horror shows in my lifetime to know this would not be a good turn out.  In horror movies there is usually a wooded scene where the killer goes after its victim.  The victim falls, screaming out in terror but there is no one around to hear then SLASH!  The victim becomes worm meal.  I deserve this.  I was stupid enough to go off with someone who I don't even know their last name. I have lived a good life.  I thought as I was getting ready to make peace with my maker.  At least it is a beautiful day to die.  I looked around at the trees overhead.  I took some deep breaths inhaling what would be my last taste of the air.

     "Here it is." Brian beams.  "Look how big around this trunk is!"

     I look over at him.  He is gauking at the size of this trunk.  I walk over to him.  He takes my hand.  This is it.  Here comes the kiss of death!  He walks me around the tree to see if we both can place our arms around the tree trunk.  We couldn't.  I must say the tree was impressive.  It is not something you would expect from someone on a date.  The thought process of my brain must of stopped from total fear exhaustion.  I don't remember where we went next or how I got home or if my mom was there before I was. 

     Sometime later I realize we were only a mile from where he grew up in Martin.  At that time I had no idea Martin let alone Allegan County even existed.   Seventeen years and six children later, we are still going strong and I now prefer dirt roads to drive on.    The tree is still standing.

Becoming A Mom For The First Time

     It was early August in 1996 when we gazed upon the two lines on the pregnancy test that declared that we were going to have a baby.  I was half way into my 19th year and Brian was half way into his 24th year when a flood of emotions filled up inside of us.  Excitment, nervousness, anticipation and a tweak of fear were among the first feelings we got.  Ready or not we were going to be parents. 

     Morning sickness was not pleasant.  I felt like I was on a first name basis with our toilet.  I couldn't keep anything down and even smells would send me running to the bathroom.  There was a store on Merson Corners in Allegan County which sold BBQ sausages.  They were a big seller among the locals and one of Brian's favorite.  I walked in and came darting out to the back of the old building to reveal what I had to eat last.  From then on I couldn't enter that building.  Even today thinking about the smell of those sausages sends my stomach into a roller coaster ride.  Brian had to go on his own to enjoy his favorite snack. 

     I worked at the local Family Dollar store.  It was a fun place to work and I got to know some of the people in the community working there.  Brian grew up in Allegan county but I was only a few months new to Allegan's country way of life.  Having morning sickness and working the cashier line wasn't very pleasurable at times.  That morning I had a bowl of Raisin Bran for breakfast.  A woman came through the check out line with several items and lacking very much of a shower.  My stomach started to turn.  I couldn't open my mouth.  I was using every muscle I had to keep my breakfast tamed inside of me that I couldn't even muster a smile.  I had to let her know her total.  I paused for a moment to gain my composure, eyes watering up and with enough courage I was able to quickly slip out a total for her purchase.  I was making change and I could feel a tickle in the back of my throat.  I knew it wouldn't be long before I would be bowing down to the porcelain gods again.  I looked up and seen a few others in line behind her but I knew I couldn't hold it in any longer.  I tossed her change down on the counter trying so hard not to be rude.  I just ran to the back room making emergency eye contact with the assistant manager Evie for her to take over at the register.  Right before I made it to the bathroom Mt. Jill erupted.  It wasn't pretty but my stomach was thankful for releaving itself.  I cleaned everything up and returned back to the cash register with blood shot watery eyes but able to have a conversation.  Several customers later my nose started to burn a little bit.  I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose.  A lonely raisin!  It was the last of my breakfast still trying to make its way out. 

     The rest of my pregnancy was uneventful.   I loved being pregnant after the first trimester and morning sickness was over with.  The feeling of life moving about inside is a indescribable experience.  I almost feel sorry for the men in the world that they would never know this miraculous feeling. 



I was 8 months pregnant standing at the flooded Grand River over in Johnson Park in Grandville, Mi.





     Our due date was April 23.  It came and went.  The doctor said we could induce the next week if we wanted to.  "After all, the baby is only going to get bigger."  he said. 

     You never tell a 9 month pregnant lady about a baby getting larger.  That statement sealed the deal and we were going to induce.  Newborn clothes were even looking too big and I was getting very nervous as to what I was going to expect.  I have heard a zillion horror stories of labor - it feels like you are on fire and you can't cool down....it is like pulling your bottom lip up over your head....it is the worse feeling in the world....women have been known to die from giving birth!!!!  At this point I was beyond scared.  I was comparing myself to the crash test dummies from the 1980's commercials.  There was a brick wall and I was heading full force into it and it was going to be painful but there was no way to avoid it. 

     We arrive at Metro Hospital in Grand Rapids on April 27, 1997.  I remember thinking how sick-minded I must be to purposely go to the hospital to be put into a lot of pain.  Deep down I knew the grand outcome would be a baby but at that moment I could only think about labor and what to expect.  We didn't take any lamaze classes nor did we have an ultrasound (as our doctor didn't see the need in one) so I really didn't know what was about to happen.  My side of the family waited at home as so did Brian's side.  I just wanted it to be Brian, the medical staff and myself to be in the room during the delivery. 

     The doctors used Prostaglandin gel to help get the labor going.  He told me I couldn't move or eat anything for 4 hours when the gel has been put on.  4 hours later nothing happened.  The doctor gave me another dose.  I was getting very bored just lying there and nothing was happening.  TV couldn't hold my attention.  I was too nervous thinking about what to come.  The 4 hours pass and still nothing.  So the doctors put some more Prostaglandin gel in me.  At this point I was hungry and thirsty and wanted to move.  I was allowed ice chips but it just wasn't making me happy.  At 8pm there was no sign of labor.  Brian was ready to go home.  The doctors insisted that we had to stay and sometimes, especially for first time moms, it takes a while.  We were both tired and frustrated.  They gave me another dose of Prostaglandin.  Finally at midnight a dull but alarming feeling came over me.  It finally arrived!  Labor.  Unfortunally at this point I was too tired, hungry and drained to deal with it. 

     For a short while the labor pains were sharp and hard.  I was asked if I wanted anything for the pain or an Epidural.  I have seen shows on Epidural's and the needle looks extra long and painful.  I have also heard stories where if they give you the shot wrong it can paralyze you for life.  I didn't want to take that chance.  I was given a small dose of Stadol to take the edge off.  I don't know if it was the drug or the wee morning hours combined with shere exhaustion but I was falling asleep.  The nurses kept having to wake me up and telling me to breathe.  She even helped me in how I was trying to breathe.  They finally had to put an oxygen mask on me to get extra oxygen into my lungs.  Labor really didn't seem as bad as what people have told me.  I kept waiting for different stages that people would tell me I would feel and I never felt them. 

     The nurse told me I can do a small push so she can see how far along I was.  I barely pushed when Christian's head was making its way into the world.  The nurse quickly put her hands up to stop the baby from coming out and screamed for the doctor.  This doctor (some other doc that was on call) came nonchalantly waltzing in eating a sandwich.  He places his sandwiches down on the counter and finishes catching our baby.  No longer were there movements inside of me but ahead of us layed a beautiful baby boy.  A son!  We had a son!  Exactly at 4am in the morning we became parents to an 8 pound 11 ounce, 21 inche long bouncing baby boy! 



Christian's  newborn picture



     We did the usual holding and examing our son that every parent goes through.  We were thrilled yet exhausted at the same time.  He was so adorable and perfect.  A nurse came in and asked if we wanted our new son to sleep in our room or to go to the nursery.  I said to go to the nursery in case he wakes up and I didn't.  I was nervous about sleeping through in case he was hungry or cold.  It was probably a good thing I said that too.   Brian went to the car to get a few hours of sleep and I still layed in the same bed that I already was laying in the day before and drifted off to sleep with happy thoughts of being a mom. 

Several hours later I woke up hearing my mom and her husband whispering to each other.  I realized I was in the hospital and I have a new son.  I quickly sat up and let them know I was awake.  They apologized if they woke up me and I told them that it was alright.  They wanted to see their grandson.  I paged for the nurse.  She enters the room and I introduce my mom to her.  I ask if she can bring Christian into the room.  Then she replies with a dreaded question that no new parent wants to hear, "Didn't the doctor tell you?"



     I choked up a bit.  Tell me?  Tell me what?  I was quickly freaking out inside.  On the outside I tried to stay calm since she was only the messenger.  "I don't think he did.  What is wrong?"  I could barely get the last words out of my mouth.  Please God, I begged, Please let everything be okay.  I didn't know if I wanted to hear what would be said next.  I didn't know if I could handle it. 

     She replied back by saying that she will contact the doctor and have the doctor tell me.  Not good! Not good!  Lord Jesus, whatever happened I know you have a reason for everything and I trust you. I thought to myself.  I was numb.  Time froze. 

     What seemed like an eternity the doctor called.  He apologized but said that he came in the room to talk with me and I sat up and conversed with him so he thought I was awake.  I strained my memory for any bit of recall to let me know he was in my room but nothing was coming.  It totally blank.  I couldn't remember a thing of him being there.  I was feeling horrible.  A medical crisis was going on and I wasn't sound enough to remember it.  Failure as a mother was quickly entering my thoughts.  The doctor went on and said that while monitoring Christian he started breathing too quickly and he wasn't getting enough air so they had to put him in an oxygen text.  I am sure in the medical world this wasn't a huge deal but for a young new mom this was nerve wrecking.  I didn't know what to expect now.  Lord, he's in your hands but you know my heart and I really want to have my son be okay.  I cried. 

     Brian came up shortly afterwards.  I told him the upsetting news.  He went and talked with the nurses and seen Christian.  He came back.  I wanted to see Christian too.  Brian didn't want me to because he was afraid that seeing him all hooked up in tubes and IV's would upset me.  I gained up my composure and told him that I am his mother and he needed to hear my voice.  There was no discussing it.  I had to see him. 



     The nurse took me to him.  He was in what looked like a mini fish tank.  He was on his back so tiny and helpless.  The tubing was distressing to see but I knew it was for the good of him.  I couldn't hold him.  All I could do was slip my hand up around a plastic sheet and hold his hand.  His baby hand was so soft and tiny.  I spoke to him and reassured him that I was there and he needed to get strong so we can go home.  It was hard but I stayed with him for a while. 

     Before being discharged from the hosptial everyone had to sit in on a small discussion about basic baby care.  I enter the class and looked around the room.  Happy faces of new mothers holding their baby outlined a table.  I felt all eyes stare upon me with question in their eyes as to where is that woman's baby.  I just wanted to sink in a hole and let the next few hours pass by.  Going around the room to introduce ourselves I explained what happened to Christian.  I have to admit that I was a bit jealous that these new mom's got to show off their little darlings and I couldn't even hold mine yet.  It seemed like a cruel joke. 



Christian age 2 months



     Finally after a few days Christian was able to come out of the oxygen tent.  Talking with the doctor he explained that upon a quick birth Christian inhaled some imnoitic fluid which gave him his breathing troubles.  He said it was very common with babies that are quick to birth.  We finally got the okay to discharge.  The nurse helped us put our tiny baby into the car seat and wheeled us down to the main doors.  That was our start to the Moyer family.