When We Learn Things We Don't Want To Know

     It was the early part of 1997.  I was into my second trimester of having my first child.  I worked at Family Dollar in Allegan.  I was a key holder which meant I could open and close the store, do a little bit of book work, and basically act as manager in charge while the head manager is gone.  I loved working there.  The people I worked with were like family.  We all had a wonderful time working together. 

     One evening a few of us were restocking the shelves from a truck delivery that came the day before.  There was a lot to do.  I would fill up a cart full of items that it could be restocked and pull it to the front of the store so that the person running the cash register could put the items away.  I would unbox and put away the items located in the back half of the store.  If the cash register section got busy a bell would ring and I would dash up to the front and open the other register.  We were working fast because we wanted to get as much put out as we could. 

     Pete, a teenage boy who was working that night (and the only boy employed at the time), called me over to him.  He was stocking the shelves over by the ladies feminine products.  "I have a question."  He was busy putting boxes up on the shelf while he talked, "What is a du-shay?" 

     A confused look came across my face.  "A du-shay?"

     "Yea.  This.  I see women buy this all the time."  And he hands me the box.

     I look down at the box and snickered a bit in embarrassment.  "Pete, that is not a 'du-shay', that is a douche." 

     "What is it used for?"  He had a dead serious look to his face. 

     I had to pause for a moment and choose my words carefully.  He was, afterall, a minor and I didn't want to tell him things that were inapprropriate.  I put my hand on his shoulder as he was still croutched down towards the floor putting them in their proper spots.  "I will just tell you, Pete, that you will NEVER EVER need to use these."   I started to walk towards the back to resume my work.

     He followed me with a box still in his hand.  "Come on!  Tell me!  I want to know."

     I looked at him for a moment still debating on whether to tell him.  I figured if he is asking and putting those items away on a shelf he might as well know what they were used for.  I sighed a huge breath of disbelief of what I was about to tell him.  "Women will use this to help clean themselves up and make themselves feel fresher down there."  I glanced my eyes downwards to help tell him, nonverbally, of what area I was referring to. 

     He quickly dropped the box to the floor.  "EEEEWWW!  THAT IS SO GROSS!"  He yelled out while his face twisted into a disgusting look. 

     I shushed him to be quiet as customers were in the store.  I couldn't help but laugh at his reaction.  "Now pick that up and go finish putting them back on the shelf."  He bent over and picked up the package pinching it between his thumb and finger.  He did not want to touch it anymore.  "I told you that you would never need to use this but you HAD to know."  I jested with him.  He glanced at me with another disgusted look on his face before he turned around and went back to restocking the shelves. 

     Later on a rush of customers were ready to check out.  I came to the front of the store to help ease the long line.  Pete and I were on a raised platform back to back surrounded by the registers.  We could see the long line of people waiting to be checked out with their carts full of items.  Pete quietly whispers to me nonchalantly but with fear in his voice, "Oh my gosh!  Look at the person in my row."

     I finish ringing up my customer and I glance up to see how long the lines are but in reality I look to see who Pete was referring to.  Nothing, to me, stood out.  Then I glanced down at some of their carts.  There in one person's cart was 6 boxes of douche among some other smaller items.  I look up at the person who was holding onto the cart and this lady could be the poster person for the People of Walmart internet site.  I probably wouldn't of had a second thought about this person except of how Pete was quietly reacting about it.

     He would reach down to grab a bag and quietly say under his breath so I could hear it.  "I hope she goes to your lane.  I don't think I could ring her up."

     I chuckle, trying not to draw attention to our ackward conversation.  "Just pretend like it is a box of chocolates."  I think I heard him gag a little when I said that.

     This lady finally reached Pete's side of the cash register.  Pete was trying to sound normal as he usually is but I could tell he felt nervous and disgusted at the same time.  My line was empty so I turned to help Pete bag her items.  I remember placing three in each bag so the bag wouldn't rip by the corners of the box.  Pete finished out the transaction as politely as he could.  After she left the store Pete turned to me with his eyes bulging out.  "6 BOXES?  SHE NEEDS 6 BOXES?!?!?!  THERE IS 2 TO A BOX!!!!"  He shudders his body then he thinks deeply about her purchase and shudders again. 

     I pat his shoulder, "You did well ringing her up, Pete.  Sometimes ignorance can be bliss but now you know."  With that I stepped off of register platform and went towards the back of the store and resumed pulling boxes out of the back and filling up the shelves.                   

Becoming A Mom For The First Time

     It was early August in 1996 when we gazed upon the two lines on the pregnancy test that declared that we were going to have a baby.  I was half way into my 19th year and Brian was half way into his 24th year when a flood of emotions filled up inside of us.  Excitment, nervousness, anticipation and a tweak of fear were among the first feelings we got.  Ready or not we were going to be parents. 

     Morning sickness was not pleasant.  I felt like I was on a first name basis with our toilet.  I couldn't keep anything down and even smells would send me running to the bathroom.  There was a store on Merson Corners in Allegan County which sold BBQ sausages.  They were a big seller among the locals and one of Brian's favorite.  I walked in and came darting out to the back of the old building to reveal what I had to eat last.  From then on I couldn't enter that building.  Even today thinking about the smell of those sausages sends my stomach into a roller coaster ride.  Brian had to go on his own to enjoy his favorite snack. 

     I worked at the local Family Dollar store.  It was a fun place to work and I got to know some of the people in the community working there.  Brian grew up in Allegan county but I was only a few months new to Allegan's country way of life.  Having morning sickness and working the cashier line wasn't very pleasurable at times.  That morning I had a bowl of Raisin Bran for breakfast.  A woman came through the check out line with several items and lacking very much of a shower.  My stomach started to turn.  I couldn't open my mouth.  I was using every muscle I had to keep my breakfast tamed inside of me that I couldn't even muster a smile.  I had to let her know her total.  I paused for a moment to gain my composure, eyes watering up and with enough courage I was able to quickly slip out a total for her purchase.  I was making change and I could feel a tickle in the back of my throat.  I knew it wouldn't be long before I would be bowing down to the porcelain gods again.  I looked up and seen a few others in line behind her but I knew I couldn't hold it in any longer.  I tossed her change down on the counter trying so hard not to be rude.  I just ran to the back room making emergency eye contact with the assistant manager Evie for her to take over at the register.  Right before I made it to the bathroom Mt. Jill erupted.  It wasn't pretty but my stomach was thankful for releaving itself.  I cleaned everything up and returned back to the cash register with blood shot watery eyes but able to have a conversation.  Several customers later my nose started to burn a little bit.  I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose.  A lonely raisin!  It was the last of my breakfast still trying to make its way out. 

     The rest of my pregnancy was uneventful.   I loved being pregnant after the first trimester and morning sickness was over with.  The feeling of life moving about inside is a indescribable experience.  I almost feel sorry for the men in the world that they would never know this miraculous feeling. 



I was 8 months pregnant standing at the flooded Grand River over in Johnson Park in Grandville, Mi.





     Our due date was April 23.  It came and went.  The doctor said we could induce the next week if we wanted to.  "After all, the baby is only going to get bigger."  he said. 

     You never tell a 9 month pregnant lady about a baby getting larger.  That statement sealed the deal and we were going to induce.  Newborn clothes were even looking too big and I was getting very nervous as to what I was going to expect.  I have heard a zillion horror stories of labor - it feels like you are on fire and you can't cool down....it is like pulling your bottom lip up over your head....it is the worse feeling in the world....women have been known to die from giving birth!!!!  At this point I was beyond scared.  I was comparing myself to the crash test dummies from the 1980's commercials.  There was a brick wall and I was heading full force into it and it was going to be painful but there was no way to avoid it. 

     We arrive at Metro Hospital in Grand Rapids on April 27, 1997.  I remember thinking how sick-minded I must be to purposely go to the hospital to be put into a lot of pain.  Deep down I knew the grand outcome would be a baby but at that moment I could only think about labor and what to expect.  We didn't take any lamaze classes nor did we have an ultrasound (as our doctor didn't see the need in one) so I really didn't know what was about to happen.  My side of the family waited at home as so did Brian's side.  I just wanted it to be Brian, the medical staff and myself to be in the room during the delivery. 

     The doctors used Prostaglandin gel to help get the labor going.  He told me I couldn't move or eat anything for 4 hours when the gel has been put on.  4 hours later nothing happened.  The doctor gave me another dose.  I was getting very bored just lying there and nothing was happening.  TV couldn't hold my attention.  I was too nervous thinking about what to come.  The 4 hours pass and still nothing.  So the doctors put some more Prostaglandin gel in me.  At this point I was hungry and thirsty and wanted to move.  I was allowed ice chips but it just wasn't making me happy.  At 8pm there was no sign of labor.  Brian was ready to go home.  The doctors insisted that we had to stay and sometimes, especially for first time moms, it takes a while.  We were both tired and frustrated.  They gave me another dose of Prostaglandin.  Finally at midnight a dull but alarming feeling came over me.  It finally arrived!  Labor.  Unfortunally at this point I was too tired, hungry and drained to deal with it. 

     For a short while the labor pains were sharp and hard.  I was asked if I wanted anything for the pain or an Epidural.  I have seen shows on Epidural's and the needle looks extra long and painful.  I have also heard stories where if they give you the shot wrong it can paralyze you for life.  I didn't want to take that chance.  I was given a small dose of Stadol to take the edge off.  I don't know if it was the drug or the wee morning hours combined with shere exhaustion but I was falling asleep.  The nurses kept having to wake me up and telling me to breathe.  She even helped me in how I was trying to breathe.  They finally had to put an oxygen mask on me to get extra oxygen into my lungs.  Labor really didn't seem as bad as what people have told me.  I kept waiting for different stages that people would tell me I would feel and I never felt them. 

     The nurse told me I can do a small push so she can see how far along I was.  I barely pushed when Christian's head was making its way into the world.  The nurse quickly put her hands up to stop the baby from coming out and screamed for the doctor.  This doctor (some other doc that was on call) came nonchalantly waltzing in eating a sandwich.  He places his sandwiches down on the counter and finishes catching our baby.  No longer were there movements inside of me but ahead of us layed a beautiful baby boy.  A son!  We had a son!  Exactly at 4am in the morning we became parents to an 8 pound 11 ounce, 21 inche long bouncing baby boy! 



Christian's  newborn picture



     We did the usual holding and examing our son that every parent goes through.  We were thrilled yet exhausted at the same time.  He was so adorable and perfect.  A nurse came in and asked if we wanted our new son to sleep in our room or to go to the nursery.  I said to go to the nursery in case he wakes up and I didn't.  I was nervous about sleeping through in case he was hungry or cold.  It was probably a good thing I said that too.   Brian went to the car to get a few hours of sleep and I still layed in the same bed that I already was laying in the day before and drifted off to sleep with happy thoughts of being a mom. 

Several hours later I woke up hearing my mom and her husband whispering to each other.  I realized I was in the hospital and I have a new son.  I quickly sat up and let them know I was awake.  They apologized if they woke up me and I told them that it was alright.  They wanted to see their grandson.  I paged for the nurse.  She enters the room and I introduce my mom to her.  I ask if she can bring Christian into the room.  Then she replies with a dreaded question that no new parent wants to hear, "Didn't the doctor tell you?"



     I choked up a bit.  Tell me?  Tell me what?  I was quickly freaking out inside.  On the outside I tried to stay calm since she was only the messenger.  "I don't think he did.  What is wrong?"  I could barely get the last words out of my mouth.  Please God, I begged, Please let everything be okay.  I didn't know if I wanted to hear what would be said next.  I didn't know if I could handle it. 

     She replied back by saying that she will contact the doctor and have the doctor tell me.  Not good! Not good!  Lord Jesus, whatever happened I know you have a reason for everything and I trust you. I thought to myself.  I was numb.  Time froze. 

     What seemed like an eternity the doctor called.  He apologized but said that he came in the room to talk with me and I sat up and conversed with him so he thought I was awake.  I strained my memory for any bit of recall to let me know he was in my room but nothing was coming.  It totally blank.  I couldn't remember a thing of him being there.  I was feeling horrible.  A medical crisis was going on and I wasn't sound enough to remember it.  Failure as a mother was quickly entering my thoughts.  The doctor went on and said that while monitoring Christian he started breathing too quickly and he wasn't getting enough air so they had to put him in an oxygen text.  I am sure in the medical world this wasn't a huge deal but for a young new mom this was nerve wrecking.  I didn't know what to expect now.  Lord, he's in your hands but you know my heart and I really want to have my son be okay.  I cried. 

     Brian came up shortly afterwards.  I told him the upsetting news.  He went and talked with the nurses and seen Christian.  He came back.  I wanted to see Christian too.  Brian didn't want me to because he was afraid that seeing him all hooked up in tubes and IV's would upset me.  I gained up my composure and told him that I am his mother and he needed to hear my voice.  There was no discussing it.  I had to see him. 



     The nurse took me to him.  He was in what looked like a mini fish tank.  He was on his back so tiny and helpless.  The tubing was distressing to see but I knew it was for the good of him.  I couldn't hold him.  All I could do was slip my hand up around a plastic sheet and hold his hand.  His baby hand was so soft and tiny.  I spoke to him and reassured him that I was there and he needed to get strong so we can go home.  It was hard but I stayed with him for a while. 

     Before being discharged from the hosptial everyone had to sit in on a small discussion about basic baby care.  I enter the class and looked around the room.  Happy faces of new mothers holding their baby outlined a table.  I felt all eyes stare upon me with question in their eyes as to where is that woman's baby.  I just wanted to sink in a hole and let the next few hours pass by.  Going around the room to introduce ourselves I explained what happened to Christian.  I have to admit that I was a bit jealous that these new mom's got to show off their little darlings and I couldn't even hold mine yet.  It seemed like a cruel joke. 



Christian age 2 months



     Finally after a few days Christian was able to come out of the oxygen tent.  Talking with the doctor he explained that upon a quick birth Christian inhaled some imnoitic fluid which gave him his breathing troubles.  He said it was very common with babies that are quick to birth.  We finally got the okay to discharge.  The nurse helped us put our tiny baby into the car seat and wheeled us down to the main doors.  That was our start to the Moyer family.   

    

    

When Crab Legs Strikes Back

     The year was 1997.  It was my 20th birthday.  I was 7 months pregnant with our first born and my husband decided to treat me to Red Lobster, my second favorite resturant (Zehnder's being the first).  This was no small thing.  My husband has never been to Red Lobster before and probably never would of gone there if I didn't encourage him to try it. 

     I grew up on Red Lobster.  Their garlic-cheddar biscuits are a gift from God.  You cannot have enough.  Growing up we went there for special occasions, dates for homecoming or prom, or because it's there.  My sister took me after my 8th grade year.  I got a drink, thinking back it probably was a non-alcoholic strawberry daiquiri, but it was in a cute glass lighthouse.  I was able to bring home the glass to keep.  I used it for many years to hold pencils in on my desk.  I remember my grandpa taking the whole family out and I ordered shark.  I was excited on trying it but when my plate came around I quickly found that this wasn't my favorite on the seafood menu. 

     The Ultimate Feast soon became my favorite choice on the menu.  It has a little bit of everything.  Lobster tail, crab legs, grilled shrimp, scallops and toss in the baked potato for good measure.  My mouth waters just thinking about it.  How could anyone not like it?!  It was unheard of.  That is until Brian came around.  Brian is mostly a meat and potato type of guy.  He isn't into ethnic foods or seafoods or some porks or foods that don't have eye appeal.  In his own thoughts lobsters and crabs are the cockroaches of the sea. 

     We drove out to the Red Lobster in Kalamazoo, Mi.  I was in all my glory. I get to share my love of seafood with the love of my life.  I eagerly go inside the door excited that Brian is with me.  I just knew he was going to love this.  The smell of the place starts to make Brian a bit oosie but like a loving man he is he still carried on for me.  We got to our table and I told him he had to have the Ultimate Feast which would have a bit of this and that.  He was ready to try it.  The biscuits were good and the salad was pleasing.  All was well.  Then dinner came. 

     To me it all looked good but when I looked up at Brian it was like he was in a science disection class.  He carefully picked up the crab legs and wondered how to eat them.  He glanced up in my direction for help.  My face was still beaming.  He looked at the tools that came with it.  They looked like it was from some evil lab.  He never seen tools like that before.  I showed him how to crack open the crab leg and take that tiny fork to pull some of the meat out.  A little bit came out of mine.  "All that work for such little meat" he comments.

     He grabs his leg cracker device and cracks open a leg.  Then he takes his fork and pulls some meat out.  He dips it into the liquid butter on the side and slides it between his lips.  I could tell he was slowly chewing it and having the meat of the crab leg take a tour around his mouth.  He swallows.  The moment he swallows urgency swept across his face.  "Where's the bathroom?" he barely was able to get the words out.

     I point off in the direction of them.  He covers his mouth and gives a few dry heaves.  He stands up and proceeds off in that direction as fast as he could as the crab leg was making it way back out of his mouth.  He spent a few moments in the bathroom emptying his stomach.  Upon his arrival back to the table he places his hand on my sholder and tells me to enjoy my meal but he is off to Wendy's and he will meet me outside when I am done.  He places some money on the table for me to take care of the bill and he heads out the door. 

   That probably didn't go as well as I expected.  I sat there in a moment of awkwardness.  I couldn't let a little thing like Brian throwing up ruin my meal so I finished enjoying my dinner solo.  The waitress came by and asked if all was okay and I told her that he realized he wasn't a seafood eater.  I boxed up his dinner and ate that later on.  He refused me to eat it when he was around.  I have been in there a hand full of times since then but not with Brian.  He has learned his lesson and that is not to eat something that looks like it crawled out of Dante's inferno.