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| Our bikes up at Mackinac Island. |
It was several years since I had been to Mackinac Island. Motor cars are not allowed on the island that is just under 4 square miles and it gives the appeal of stepping back in time to an era of long ago. We decided to cross the Mackinac Bridge to take the ferry from St. Ignace in the UP over to the island. I never realized how big the bridge looked before. The closer we got the more my heart started
pounding and the harder it was to breathe. Soon were driving up the 5 mile long bridge. I couldn't move. I could barely talk. I sat there staring at the floor of the Bronco refusing to look out. In the meantime, Brian was jabbering away about the view and ships he sees off in the distance. It made me uneasy. I begged for him to stop talking. I needed absolute quiet. An odd vibration rumbled across the Bronco. I could tell we were on the grated part of the bridge near the middle, which is also the highest part. I took a long deep breath. I gripped the door handle very tightly. I was singing songs in my head trying hard not to think about being 199 feet above Lake Huron and Lake Michigan. Deep in the back parts of my brain the story of how a car was blown over the edge of the Mackinac Bridge and the person died played over and over. My mental singing couldn't keep the thought of that away. Brian was realizing that this wasn't just a small fear but more of a terror I have. A few times he would tease me telling me we were off the bridge only to open my eyes and look up and see a huge pillar passing by me. My heart beats faster and I pray hard for those miles to pass by quickly. Finally we reach the upper peninsula and I was able to breath again and my heart returned to its normal beat. I never had a fear come upon me like that before while crossing the bridge and I didn't like the feeling. I knew I would have to cross it again but I didn't want to think about that so soon.
We had a great time on the island. We biked around it stopping at various sights like The Grand Hotel, Arch Rock, battlefield sites from the war of 1812 and a tree from a scene from the movie Somewhere in Time startting Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymore. We sat upon some rocks on the southwest side of the island near the water's edge and enjoyed the Michigan landscape across the waters. Brian is fiddling around with my camera but I didn't think too much about it. He holds it up and says, "Hey Jill," I look at him, "Will you marry me?" click goes the sound of the camera.
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| My reaction the moment Brian asked me to be his wife. |
I was shocked. I was not expecting that very important, life changing question at all. We never even hinted around to it. We have only been dating probably 2 months at best. I wanted to say yes but I didn't want to seem too eager. I wanted to see how long he would go before he would beg for an answer. I looked at him, smiled, and replied, "I will have to think about it and get back to you with an answer."
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| This was taken after I told Brian I would think about his marriage proposal. |
He tried to persuade me to answer but I was firm in having him wait. Brian finally realized that he wasn't going to get an answer right away like he hoped and we changed subjects. Deep inside my heart was fluttering and I was screaming with delight, YES! YES! YES! but I was 18, an adult, and had to hold my composure. Then I began to plot on how long I would make him wait and in what special way would I let Brian know that my answer would be yes. There was some strange sinful pleasure in my knowledge of the answer to the marriage proposal and him not knowing yet. It was like I was in control and he was at my mercy.
It was getting late and we started to make our way towards home. We had to cross over the Mackinac Bridge again. I couldn't do it. My heart was leaping out of my chest. I kept telling myself that I had to cross it. I live in the lower peninsula and can't stay up there. I can do this. I can do this, I would tell myself over and over. We paid our toll and started making our way south over the bridge. I looked over at the suspension wires and I fell apart inside. Staring at the floor boards were not enough. I couldn't feel safe. If being blown over the bridge is there a safe spot to be in a vehicle? I wondered. I unbuckled and curled myself up in a little ball at the bottom of the Bronco. Brian kept trying to tell me what a beautiful view I was missing and to give it a chance. I started crying and begging for him to stop talking. I just wanted silence so I can concentrate on calming myself down.
I can feel the Bronco start to slow down. Why is he slowing down? Is there an accident? Are we about to go over the edge? Did part of the bridge collaspe? With my eyes still closed and me still curled up on the floor of the Bronco I heard Brian's voice, "Tell me you will marry me?"
"WHAT! GET ME OFF THIS BRIDGE NOW!" I pleaded!
"Nope. Not until you say that you will be my wife." He said calmly.
"I AM NOT GIVING YOU AN ANSWER! HURRY UP AND DRIVE FASTER!" I begged.
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| Between the two pillars of the Mackinaw Bridge Brian slowed down and demanded an answer to his marriage proposal. |
He slows his driving to a slow crawl and taunts me with being up near the top. "You can see everything from up here. Look, there is a freighter off in the distance. I am not going to move until you say yes." Brian says proudly knowing he has the best of me at this moment.
I knew I was defeated. With not being of sound mind I shouted, "YES! FINE! I WILL MARRY YOU! JUST GET ME OFF THIS BRIDGE NOW!!!!
"What was that you said? I want to make sure I heard you correctly." he teased back.
"YES! NOW GET ME OFF OF THE BRIDGE!" I hollared back from the floor of the Bronco.
I felt the Bronco speed up. My heart is thumping wildly but I couldn't tell if it was fear from the bridge or agreeing to the marriage proposal. Maybe it was a little of both. Looking back now it is still hard to tell which got my heart thumping more. I plugged my ears and kept my eyes tightly shut so I can fully concentrate on not being on the bridge. After a while I felt Brian pull the Bronco over to the side. He gently pats my back to tells me to step outside. I slowly slide my body up into my seat to see if we were off the bridge. We were. We were safely on the side of the highway on the lower peninsular side. Brian already rushed around to my side of the Bronco and already had the door open. I fall out like a wet noodle so exhausted from horror of crossing over the bridge. "Did you really mean it when you said yes?" Brian asked.
"Yes, I did. I will marry you." I replied back. It wasn't the way I imagined that I would say yes to his proposal but I was off the bridge.
Brian pulled me close to him and gave me a huge romantic kiss and a great big hug right on the side of the highway. Cars were zooming past watching us embrace but we didn't care. At that moment we made the decision to spend the rest of our lives together.
17 years has passed by and I don't regret the answer I had given in haste. We have gone across the bridge a few times since then and I try to open my eyes to take a look if even only for a second. One of my greatest fears (bridges) also gives me one of my greatest memories to cherish and that is to become a wife to the man I love.
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| Brian and I standing in front of the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island the day he proposed to me. |
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