First Death Experience

    My grandfather past away 24 years ago exactly on February 29, 1988.  What a unique day to pass away on - leap year day.  If I had to pick a day for my grandfather to pass away on none other would be so fitting.  There was no other man as great and unique as my grandfather.  He followed the beat of his own drum in life.  He enjoyed many things life had to offer and knew how to spread that love of life around. 


     His life wasn't always easy.  He was born with heart troubles and was in and out of hospitals much of his youth.  His mother died from TB when he was around 7 years old.  But my grandfather wasn't one to wallow is his worries.  He used his experiences to rise above the hardships and turn his life around.  He was a strong person inside and out.

From L to R:  Opal (his mom who died a few years later), sister Barbara, George (my grandfather), and sister Oneita taken about 1929.

     It was a chili winter day.  I was barely 11 years old.  Report cards came in earlier that week.  Our grandfather was in the hospital which he was no stranger of.    My mom was already at St. Lukes Hospital with our grandmother who we called Nonnie.  My sister drove my brother and I up to the hospital early in the afternoon and we were supposed to bring our report cards.  I purposely left my report card behind because my grades were starting to slip and I didn't want to disappoint my grandpa.  I knew it wasn't the time to deal with bad news.  Overall, the visit was nice.  He was sitting up talking and laughing with us.  He wasn't that upset that I left my report card behind.  I couldn't lie to him and told him about my grades.  He told me I needed to start working harder at my studies.  It was starting to get late and we had school the next day.  My sister was to take us home and Nonnie would bring mom home later. 

     As soon as we got home there was a message on the answering machine telling us to hurry and come back to the hospital, that grandpa wasn't going to make it.  We stood there in shock waiting for the answering machine to tell us what to do next.  The words were still dangling in the air yet none of us could comprehend what was said.  He was just laughing and talking with us about an hour ago.  Could this really be true?   The drive back to the hospital was long and quiet.  We all were scared. 

     We arrive up to the floor and we were directed to the waiting room where Nonnie was waiting.  Our mom was in the room with our Grandpa and no one else was permitted to go in.  Around 7pm, not long after we got there, a nurse came into the waiting room to tell us that our grandfather has passed on and we could go into the room if we liked. 

     My sister, brother, and I in a close group slowly creep into the room.  Mom was softly crying in a chair in the corner.  She was the only child and very close to her parents.  My sister quickly leaves our sibiling group and runs to my grandpa's bedside dropping to her knees and starts crying.  My brother and I just stood there unable to move.  I think I was in shock.  I don't remember crying but I do remember thinking how quickly death happens.  A few hours prior all was fine and now he didn't exhist anymore except only in our memories. 

     A nurse came to me and asked if she could take a walk with me.  I said that would be fine.  I don't remember what exactly we talked about but I knew she was trying to offer comfort.   She took me around to the nurses station and gave me some apple juice and grahm crackers.  I remember looking at the different monitors in the room beeping to different patients heart beats.  I realized my grandfather's wouldn't beat anymore.  Just like that he is gone. 

     After a while I reunite myself with my family to share in the mouring of our beloved grandfather.  Everything seemed surreal, like a dream.  My body would do the motions but I had no feeling to it.  I was numb.  I somehow found myself back into the waiting room.  I sat near the window's ledge and looked out.  It was lightly snowing outisde.  I could see another wing of the hospital from my angle.  I looked at the lights on in a variety of floors and rooms.  I wondered what was going on in those rooms and what those people were feeling.  Did they know I just lost a loved one?  Is someone else losing a loved on in the hospital tonight?  Can others see me looking back at them? 

     I don't remember much of March entering into my life.  The funeral was a few days later.  I remember it being cold and snow was still on the ground.  At the funeral home I mostly stayed off to the side writing about the events that just unfolded around me.  I didn't want to forget.  How did I ever think I could?  I finally managed enough courage to step up to the casket and reach out and touch his hand.  I was curious to what a dead body felt like.  It was cold, leathery and unsoft like how I remembered my grandpa's hand being.  I felt brave touching his hand yet I didn't want to do it again.  It wasn't my grandpa anymore.  It was his shell and even at the tender age of 11 I knew that. 

     I found out later that when he was about to die he would tell my mom to "stay strong, stay srtong".  Easy words to say but so full of wisdom.  In life we are thrown a handfull of obstacles and the best way to overcome them is to "stay strong" and to grow and learn from them.  Time marched on and our hearts healed but we never forgot about our wonderful Grandfather and his memory lives on and his stories are shared with my children. 





Picture taken of George Hurley a few months before his death.