First Death Experience

    My grandfather past away 24 years ago exactly on February 29, 1988.  What a unique day to pass away on - leap year day.  If I had to pick a day for my grandfather to pass away on none other would be so fitting.  There was no other man as great and unique as my grandfather.  He followed the beat of his own drum in life.  He enjoyed many things life had to offer and knew how to spread that love of life around. 


     His life wasn't always easy.  He was born with heart troubles and was in and out of hospitals much of his youth.  His mother died from TB when he was around 7 years old.  But my grandfather wasn't one to wallow is his worries.  He used his experiences to rise above the hardships and turn his life around.  He was a strong person inside and out.

From L to R:  Opal (his mom who died a few years later), sister Barbara, George (my grandfather), and sister Oneita taken about 1929.

     It was a chili winter day.  I was barely 11 years old.  Report cards came in earlier that week.  Our grandfather was in the hospital which he was no stranger of.    My mom was already at St. Lukes Hospital with our grandmother who we called Nonnie.  My sister drove my brother and I up to the hospital early in the afternoon and we were supposed to bring our report cards.  I purposely left my report card behind because my grades were starting to slip and I didn't want to disappoint my grandpa.  I knew it wasn't the time to deal with bad news.  Overall, the visit was nice.  He was sitting up talking and laughing with us.  He wasn't that upset that I left my report card behind.  I couldn't lie to him and told him about my grades.  He told me I needed to start working harder at my studies.  It was starting to get late and we had school the next day.  My sister was to take us home and Nonnie would bring mom home later. 

     As soon as we got home there was a message on the answering machine telling us to hurry and come back to the hospital, that grandpa wasn't going to make it.  We stood there in shock waiting for the answering machine to tell us what to do next.  The words were still dangling in the air yet none of us could comprehend what was said.  He was just laughing and talking with us about an hour ago.  Could this really be true?   The drive back to the hospital was long and quiet.  We all were scared. 

     We arrive up to the floor and we were directed to the waiting room where Nonnie was waiting.  Our mom was in the room with our Grandpa and no one else was permitted to go in.  Around 7pm, not long after we got there, a nurse came into the waiting room to tell us that our grandfather has passed on and we could go into the room if we liked. 

     My sister, brother, and I in a close group slowly creep into the room.  Mom was softly crying in a chair in the corner.  She was the only child and very close to her parents.  My sister quickly leaves our sibiling group and runs to my grandpa's bedside dropping to her knees and starts crying.  My brother and I just stood there unable to move.  I think I was in shock.  I don't remember crying but I do remember thinking how quickly death happens.  A few hours prior all was fine and now he didn't exhist anymore except only in our memories. 

     A nurse came to me and asked if she could take a walk with me.  I said that would be fine.  I don't remember what exactly we talked about but I knew she was trying to offer comfort.   She took me around to the nurses station and gave me some apple juice and grahm crackers.  I remember looking at the different monitors in the room beeping to different patients heart beats.  I realized my grandfather's wouldn't beat anymore.  Just like that he is gone. 

     After a while I reunite myself with my family to share in the mouring of our beloved grandfather.  Everything seemed surreal, like a dream.  My body would do the motions but I had no feeling to it.  I was numb.  I somehow found myself back into the waiting room.  I sat near the window's ledge and looked out.  It was lightly snowing outisde.  I could see another wing of the hospital from my angle.  I looked at the lights on in a variety of floors and rooms.  I wondered what was going on in those rooms and what those people were feeling.  Did they know I just lost a loved one?  Is someone else losing a loved on in the hospital tonight?  Can others see me looking back at them? 

     I don't remember much of March entering into my life.  The funeral was a few days later.  I remember it being cold and snow was still on the ground.  At the funeral home I mostly stayed off to the side writing about the events that just unfolded around me.  I didn't want to forget.  How did I ever think I could?  I finally managed enough courage to step up to the casket and reach out and touch his hand.  I was curious to what a dead body felt like.  It was cold, leathery and unsoft like how I remembered my grandpa's hand being.  I felt brave touching his hand yet I didn't want to do it again.  It wasn't my grandpa anymore.  It was his shell and even at the tender age of 11 I knew that. 

     I found out later that when he was about to die he would tell my mom to "stay strong, stay srtong".  Easy words to say but so full of wisdom.  In life we are thrown a handfull of obstacles and the best way to overcome them is to "stay strong" and to grow and learn from them.  Time marched on and our hearts healed but we never forgot about our wonderful Grandfather and his memory lives on and his stories are shared with my children. 





Picture taken of George Hurley a few months before his death.

      

Among the Monkey Trees

     It will be 24 years on February 29 since my grandpa lost his battle with cancer.  He was more than just a grandpa.  He stepped in to cover the roll of dad when our own dad stepped out of our lives.  He taught my sister how to drive, my brother how to fish and me how to mow the yard at the cabin with the riding mower.  I was about 8 or 9 so to me it was a big deal.  Just this past summer I carried on the tradition and taught my niece to mow with the exact same riding mower.  It was nice to be able to pass that down. 

     My grandpa also had a love for the outdoors.  He hunted, fished, even iced fished, snowmobilied, golfed, and boated and he would even take us tubing out on the lake.  He would sit outside listening to a baseball game along with a few other older neighbors while us kids splashed about in the lake.  He would even hook up a small flatbed trailer onto the riding mower and take us kids in the neighborhood at our family cabin, rides up and down the street and around a few blocks.  It was only natural we too fell in love with the outdoors.

     They used to live in Green Acres Apartments - a retired living community, around the city block from us.  We would walk there regularly.  As I got older I would take shortcuts by hopping over neighbors fences and slip around the carport.  One end of the carport scooted up to a fence but there was just enough room to get through it.  It was mostly covered with vines or overgrowth but as a kid you felt like you were in the jungles of Brazil making your way on some remote long forgotten tribal path. 

     Green Acres Apartments looked like a grid.  There was 8 or 10 brick apartment complexes.  Each housed 8 apartments - 4 on the bottom and 4 on the top level.  Between each complex was a small parking lot and a carport.  Sidewalks wrapped around the buildings and trees outlined the outside sidewalks.  Some sidewalks even led to a small sitting garden with painted white iron furinture.  It was like a fantasy land to me.  The labyrinth of sidewalks followed by gardens with flowers and trees hanging over them just made it all magical. 

    
     It was often that our grandpa took us for walks along these paths.  When we would come up to the side with the trees he would have us listen and quietly look for monkeys.  He would tell us these are the monkey trees and if we are quiet and slow enough we would see the monkeys.  We would get all excited and slow our speed to a crawl anxiously looking for a monkey.  Sometimes he would yell out that he sees a monkey's tail.  Our eyes would pop out of our heads as we excitedly looked in the direction our grandpa was pointing.  We were disappointed we never seen it.  We always hoped we would see a monkey.  We were young enough we didn't know monkey's didn't live in Saginaw, let along Michigan.  As an adult now looking back he may of said that to make us slow down and be quite or to make us aware of what was around us.  Either way as a kid we enjoyed it. 

                                                            

     With children of my own we love going for walks out in the woods.  I tried to pass along the monkey tree story but I guess my children are way smarter than I was because they would look at me and tell me monkeys don't live in this part of the world.  I couldn't help but smile and laugh and their knowledge.  I guess this is something I will have to share with my grandchildren one day while they are still at a young age.  I still find myself when we are walking, or even driving down a two-track, looking up in the trees still hoping to catch a glimpse of a monkey's tail.  I know I will never see one but a part of my inner child inside of me still hopes.   



Bram Stoker's Dracula - A Love Story

     There is no greater love story that tugs at my heart than Bram Stoker's Dracula. The movie arrived in theaters in 1992 and I remember doing a persuasive paper in high school on how the genre of this movie should be drama (romance) instead of horror.  I didn't persuade anyone that I know of.  Most agreed that it is a horror movie and no way romantic.  There might be some now, reading this, that question how I come to the conclusion of finding the movie romantic so let me shine some light on the subject.

     At the beginning Vlad Dracula goes off to battle against the Turks.  He was strong on the battlefield bringing home the victory.  The Turks, angry at Dracula for his conqueroring, sent a letter off to Dracula's wife, Elisabeta saying that her husband has met his fate out in the battlefield.  Saddened and heartbroken she plummet out the window and into the moat below thus killing herself.  Upon Dracula's return to share his joyous victory with his wife he instead finds her dead.  The priests tell Dracula that Elisabeta's soul is damned forever in hell because she took her own life.  Dracula becomes irrate and damns God's name and declares that he will rise from the grave to avenge Elisabeta with all the powers of darkness. 

     Fast forward a few hundred centeries.  A real estate agent, Jonathan, heads off to Transylvania to do some dealings with Count Dracula.  They converse and the Count finds a picture of Jonathan's fiancee, Mina who I personally believe is the reincarnated Elisabeta.  Dracula, having Jonathan held against his wishes at the castle, quickly heads off to London to see Mina for himself.  He sees her on the street and under his breath begs her to look at him.  She glances in his direction.  Now some people argue that he put a trance on Mina.  I disagree.  How many times have we been at a public place wishing for a certain person across a room to look in your direction?  How many times do we sit by the phone commanding it to ring and have that special person be on the other end?  We have all had that feeling that we are being stared at only to look up and find that someone is looking in our direction.  We are not tranced when it happens.  I believe there is a deep vib that we can send out to others without having to say anything at all.  That was all Count Dracula was doing at this point.  He so desperately wanted Mina to look in his direction for her to take notice of him.  It wasn't a trance.

     Dracula is persistant and persues Mina.  At first she repels herself away from him.  Afterall, she is engaged.  She should have no interest in other men.  The more they start talking she finds herself being pulled toward Dracula.  Again, some people consider this part of the trance but no.  She finds herself comforted by his voice.  His touch was soothing.  When she spoke about his castle and his princess she did so with much emotion.  Her heart was realizing that her soul mate was standing before her.  Like a magnet their souls were being pulled towards each other.  Nothing else mattered, just each other.  Dracula, after all these years, was getting his Elisabeta back. 

     Then Jonathan had to ruin it all and escape from the castle.  He sent word out to Mina and she quickly hopped a boat across the sea to meet up with Jonathan to wed him.  On her voyage her heart was breaking but she didn't understand it.  She still loved Jonathan but there was a deeper love there for Count Dracula.  Her mind said to go to Jonathan but her heart was telling her to run back to her prince.  Needless to say the Count wasn't too thrilled about this.  He was determined to get his Mina back.  One night while the men were out Vampire hunting the Count came to Mina in a mist.  In her slumber he aroused her awake.  Before she even opened her eyes she said, "Come to me, my handsome prince."  She knew it was the Count.  She knew it!  Her heart spoke to her and she knew who was with her.  That's powerful.  He confesses to her what he really is.  She is angry but her heart wouldn't let her stay angry for long.  He wants her to join with him in the realm of the living dead.  When things began to heat up the Count loved Mina so much that he couldn't do that to her.  He knew that being a vampire was not a pleasant thing and he didn't want Mina having to live like that, even if it meant giving her up.  My heart just stops at that moment.  It's a beautiful thing to let go even when it hurts.  But it is even more precious when that loves comes back too.  Mina didn't care.  She wanted to do whatever it took to be a part of his world.  "Take me away from all this death" and with mixed feelings the Count welcomed her to drink of his blood. 

    

Then who comes in to ruin everything again?  Yep, Jonathan.  The Count quickly leaves and the Vampire hunt begins.  A doctor who is part of the team takes Mina under his wing because she has the vampire blood in her stream.  They run off to the castle to hunt down Count Dracula.  The whole time Mina is trying to get back to the castle too but not to kill Count Dracula but to be reunited with him.  She has surrendered to her heart and desires to be with her prince.  Unfortunally, Jonathan doesn't take the hint too well until the end.  The Count is wounded and Mina runs to his side.  Jonathan lets her go be with him.   He should of taken the hint a long time ago!  Mina helps the Count inside and up to what seems like an alter.  They say their sad good-bye's.  Mina has to do the awful task of putting her love out of his misery by putting a steak into his heart and cutting off his head.  With a heavy heart she does so.  She wants her prince to have peace at last. 

   

     Wouldn't it be nice if there can be a love so strong that it can stand the test of time?  Could love span across centuries and be reunited time and time again?   That is what this movie was about.  It was about a love so deep and so connected that it stood against the odds to bond again.  Their lonely spirits trying hard to, unknowingly, reach out to each other.   Could love even be that powerful or is it just a quick emotion that get tangled up by the thoughts that surround it?  It does make you wonder.

    

When Crab Legs Strikes Back

     The year was 1997.  It was my 20th birthday.  I was 7 months pregnant with our first born and my husband decided to treat me to Red Lobster, my second favorite resturant (Zehnder's being the first).  This was no small thing.  My husband has never been to Red Lobster before and probably never would of gone there if I didn't encourage him to try it. 

     I grew up on Red Lobster.  Their garlic-cheddar biscuits are a gift from God.  You cannot have enough.  Growing up we went there for special occasions, dates for homecoming or prom, or because it's there.  My sister took me after my 8th grade year.  I got a drink, thinking back it probably was a non-alcoholic strawberry daiquiri, but it was in a cute glass lighthouse.  I was able to bring home the glass to keep.  I used it for many years to hold pencils in on my desk.  I remember my grandpa taking the whole family out and I ordered shark.  I was excited on trying it but when my plate came around I quickly found that this wasn't my favorite on the seafood menu. 

     The Ultimate Feast soon became my favorite choice on the menu.  It has a little bit of everything.  Lobster tail, crab legs, grilled shrimp, scallops and toss in the baked potato for good measure.  My mouth waters just thinking about it.  How could anyone not like it?!  It was unheard of.  That is until Brian came around.  Brian is mostly a meat and potato type of guy.  He isn't into ethnic foods or seafoods or some porks or foods that don't have eye appeal.  In his own thoughts lobsters and crabs are the cockroaches of the sea. 

     We drove out to the Red Lobster in Kalamazoo, Mi.  I was in all my glory. I get to share my love of seafood with the love of my life.  I eagerly go inside the door excited that Brian is with me.  I just knew he was going to love this.  The smell of the place starts to make Brian a bit oosie but like a loving man he is he still carried on for me.  We got to our table and I told him he had to have the Ultimate Feast which would have a bit of this and that.  He was ready to try it.  The biscuits were good and the salad was pleasing.  All was well.  Then dinner came. 

     To me it all looked good but when I looked up at Brian it was like he was in a science disection class.  He carefully picked up the crab legs and wondered how to eat them.  He glanced up in my direction for help.  My face was still beaming.  He looked at the tools that came with it.  They looked like it was from some evil lab.  He never seen tools like that before.  I showed him how to crack open the crab leg and take that tiny fork to pull some of the meat out.  A little bit came out of mine.  "All that work for such little meat" he comments.

     He grabs his leg cracker device and cracks open a leg.  Then he takes his fork and pulls some meat out.  He dips it into the liquid butter on the side and slides it between his lips.  I could tell he was slowly chewing it and having the meat of the crab leg take a tour around his mouth.  He swallows.  The moment he swallows urgency swept across his face.  "Where's the bathroom?" he barely was able to get the words out.

     I point off in the direction of them.  He covers his mouth and gives a few dry heaves.  He stands up and proceeds off in that direction as fast as he could as the crab leg was making it way back out of his mouth.  He spent a few moments in the bathroom emptying his stomach.  Upon his arrival back to the table he places his hand on my sholder and tells me to enjoy my meal but he is off to Wendy's and he will meet me outside when I am done.  He places some money on the table for me to take care of the bill and he heads out the door. 

   That probably didn't go as well as I expected.  I sat there in a moment of awkwardness.  I couldn't let a little thing like Brian throwing up ruin my meal so I finished enjoying my dinner solo.  The waitress came by and asked if all was okay and I told her that he realized he wasn't a seafood eater.  I boxed up his dinner and ate that later on.  He refused me to eat it when he was around.  I have been in there a hand full of times since then but not with Brian.  He has learned his lesson and that is not to eat something that looks like it crawled out of Dante's inferno.